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The longer I live on the road, the more awake and aware I seem to become. Cities are like sensory overload tunnels bombarding me with noise; cars, leaf blowers, buses, sirens, music piped into everywhere.

Homes are like virtual reality hell chambers; loud TV bombarding me with a false realty and selling us everything under the sun to make empty baseless lives feel worthwhile.

It’s Black Friday. I sit back quietly and observe. People buzz about like robots stuck in ‘must buy’ mode.

It’s not that they need anything: they have shelter, heat and plenty to eat.  But the ads and corporate America tell them they must not be content until they have MORE. BIGGER.  BETTER.  So, they obediently get in line, forgoing family, friends, relaxation and heaven forbid – a moment of gratitude for what they have – to stand in the cold, in long lines to get their fix of MORE. BIGGER. BETTER.

Take me back to the woods.

sunset nevada desert joshua trees
Sunset in the Desert with Joshua Trees

Take me back to quiet. Solitude. Peace.

Take me back to where things make sense.  Where all that bombards me are the forces of nature; wind, cold, the cry of an eagle as she soars through the sky, majestic views and sunsets so beautiful and peaceful that tears well in my hungry eyes.

Our world is empty; void. We don’t even see how far we’ve fallen and how far we’ve detached from ourselves. Numb with boredom and discontent, the only real emotions we can muster are rage, anger, hate and jealousy.  Hate thy neighbor.

Hate thyself.

It seems that the further we get from Nature the further we get from ourselves.  I feel trapped. I  need to go.

Take me back to Nature...

Check out the video this journal entry inspired: “Society Kills the BoonDocker’s Spirit”.

47 Responses

  1. Does Capone like to romp & cavort in the snow? My dog Jake has lots of fun digging in the snow here in Spokane;he forces me to stand despite all the layers of clothing I wear!
    He delays the doing of his “business” while I wait patiently for the task to be completed.
    It’s his first snowfall to enjoy!

    1. Rudy – yes he does. I have pics on Instagram and Facebook! Glad Jake enjoys it too. So fun to watch them, isn’t it? Thank you for writing!

      1. My husband and I want to tell you. Blessings from Idaho. And forget about all those hates. They are just gonna hate. Prayers for you

        1. Will and Deona – thank you very much for the blessings from Idaho. I appreciate your kind words and encouragement about the critics.. I believe I’ve turned the corner on that. Thanks to all the wonderful support of my Friendly community! ! <3 - Carolyn

    2. I would love to meet you! My life and thinking has changed since I became widowed. I lost my wife of 43-years to stage 4 triple negative Breast cancer.
      I would love to join up with you if interested and would pull my own weight.
      I have two pensions and want to walk away from my house and this life style.
      I also conceal carry legally in 34 states.

      1. Joseph, I’m sorry to hear of your loss. I can’t imagine how difficult that would be. I wish you all the best! Take care, Carolyn

    1. Marge – re-entry psychosis.. sure is what it feels like. my goodness!! Thank you for sharing your pain too! 🙂

  2. The only thing I got on Black Friday sales is at Amazon. I got a new Kindle because I use it everyday. I always get free books. I also got a virus protection Mcafee for $14, it us usually $80. You have to get that every year and black Friday is the best deal for that.

  3. I love your sense of humor and I’m enjoying your posts. Though I don’t participate in the holiday buying frenzy, I do pick up the crazy energy that others are giving off. I feel as if I go through re-entry daily. I’m looking forward to the day I can find my way to the forest for good. Thanks so much for sharing your life on Youtube.

    1. Lenora – I’m glad you’re enjoying my posts (and my sense of humor!). I also pick up on other people’s energy very easily. I hope you do find your way to the forest soon and find your peace! Thank you for reading and commenting! – C

  4. I really like what you are doing. Before I had my stroke, I had hoped to buy a Class A but my driver’s license has been confiscated. My pleasure now is sitting on my walker, coffee in hand and chatting with everyone who passes me by on the public sidewalk.

      1. Daryl, thank you! I’m sorry to hear of your stroke. 🙁 I bet you meet some nice and interesting people! Thank you for writing – C
  5. When despair for the world grows in me
    and I wake in the night at the least sound
    in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,
    I go and lie down where the wood drake
    rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
    I come into the peace of the wild things
    who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief.
    I come into the presence of still water.
    And I feel above me the day-blind star
    waiting with their light. For a time
    I rest in the grace of the world, and I am free.

    by: Wendell Berry “The Peace of the Wild Things”

  6. Experienced similar culture shock when I returned from backpacking in Europe for a year. My values were out-of-step with my culture’s values. Love the Wendell Berry quote! Happy to be travelling down the road with you via your Blog. Sure wish I was in Joshua Tree right now. Unexpectedly, fell in love with the desert. Always thought of myself as an Ocean girl. The desert provokes a spiritual journey. Enjoy the peace and the big sky.

    1. Jan – Oh my gosh a whole year!! What a great trip – I’m sure you have fabulous memories! I went for 3 weeks and coming back was very odd. I can’t imagine, after a whole year!
      I know what you mean about unexpectedly falling in love with the desert. I’m a mountain and forest lover – so it’s surprising how much I love it!
      Thank you very much for being a part of my journey and reading my blogs! I wish you the best! – Carolyn

  7. Thank you for the push I needed to make my dream come true. I’m an introvert, can’t wait to get my Class C and get out of Dodge. Fifty years of retail and a few other events….I’ve been told I have PTSD, which I already knew. I can’t wait to get away from all of the BS of everyday life. I’m very interested in making a living on the road. To get in touch with my creative side again. Is it possible? Could you make a video on that subject? I have to little dogs I will be traveling with. No protection from them. Capone is a sweetheart. I enjoy your videos so much!!! Thank you again for inspiring me. Hope to see you on the road. Be safe. Happy travels.

    1. Kathy – Oh my gosh, 50 years of RETAIL!?! You are a saint.. holy cow. Dealing with the general public..you should get a medal!
      I just shot a video yesterday about resources for earning money on the road. I hope to have it up by this weekend.I hope it helps give you some ideas.

      It warms my heart to read that you were inspired by my videos!! That’s why I do it! I wish you the best and much luck.. I hope the video will help you!


  8. I hate this time of the year. I wish there was a place that totally ignored xmas. As you can tell I am a Scrooge……and proud of it!!! I really get depressed during this time of the year and wish everyone would just live life and dispense with all the fake merriment and rushing around to find those perfect gifts that aren’t perfect at all when the person receives it.
    Again, I need to just go somewhere that people don’t recognize xmas.
    Bah Humbug!!!!
    You, Carolyn are the lucky one. You can escape to nature and the real world. I hope someday….soon…..to be doing that as well.

    1. Steve – Me too! And there is a place that ignores Christmas– the forest and the desert (like you noted)! The wonderful thing about my new life is I can’t even tell it’s Christmas!! I have no TV and so only have to deal with it on my trips into town. It’s quite nice.

      I hope you’re able to get through it with some peace and sanity! good luck- Carolyn

  9. The mountains have always been a church and a mistress to me. The creation of beauty and the freedom of people close brings about the true meaning of life. Has for the mistress. The mountains are like a woman with all their curves and crevices that aha a man till he can think of little else. But if you take them for granted or disrespect them, they will rip your heart out and stand there and watch you bleed away.
    Dealing with the public for a lot of years has about done me in. Look at 3 more years and wonder if I’ll make it. But the kayak, jeep, sailboat helps to keep peace. Enjoy the wild beauty.

    1. Marc – very well stated. The mountains sure are special. Glad to read you have your passions and are able to escape the hustle and bustle from time to time.Good luck to you!! – C

  10. I’m scheming and plotting my escape into the peace and quiet. I can cash out my retirement in 9 years, if I can wait that long!! In the meantime, I am gathering resources and have started a binder. I RV in the summer when I can, as I work for public education. The last two years I have battled breast cancer and the biggest thing it taught me is that we are guaranteed NOTHING!! Enjoy your life and live your dreams! Until I can meet up with you on the road, I will live vicariously through your blog and You Tube Channels!! ~Wildflowre

    1. Wildflower — love your comment, “scheming and plotting” 🙂 OH wow, congrats on being a survivor!! Yes, it’s important for all of us to realize that tomorrow is not guaranteed! I will do my best to live enough for both of us until you are able to break free! I wish you much health, happiness and peace.ty! – C

  11. Hi Carolyn,
    I live in my RV in a park right now, for 3 1/2 yrs now. Downsizing and getting rid of a couple of storage units gradually. About 2 yrs left till retirement and I can’t wait. I have a 94, 34′ Winnebago. I have thought about upgrading but I already know how this one runs, what does and doesn’t work so well as well as it’s pd for. ?? How often do you need to drive out of the boondocks and dump your tanks?

    1. BJ- thank you very much for reading and watching my videos. I will be answering all of the questions I’m getting from everyone in future blogs and vids.. Stay tuned and good luck! – Carolyn

  12. Carolyn, just a note to tell you how much I enjoy reading your blog. Sitting here in Canada on the east coast. I have been trailering a few years, just one more year of my work sentence haha until retiring. Glad to read of the realities of life on the road. The rosy and not so. Now regretting my tt, should have got an rv, more freedom. Hi Capone.

    1. Brenda – Next year is right around the corner and you’ll be FREE!! NO regrets on the TT – I hear none of us get it right the first time! LOL. Live and learn.TY for watching and reading and have a wonderful holiday! – C

    2. I am planning to head out from Ontario to Newfoundland camping in an SUV this summer. It is my ‘trial run’. I have been dreaming of the RV life for a long time. If I love my trial run I will begin further planning. I am excited about my adventure.

  13. Carolyn, First thank you for your enthusiasm! Your RV life sounds like peace to me. I have some wanderlust, want to do a, 200 mile hike in the loess hills of Western Iowa. Google it I’m looking for someone to hike it with me. Also full time rving sounds like living. Keep going & sharing. Would like to read your blog from your backing trip. Where do I find that? Also, how old is Capone?

    1. Lisa – on the 200 mile hike – I say DO IT! Oh my gosh, i dream of being back on the trail ever day!! The blog from my JMT hike can be found at: http://aloneonthejmt.com .
      Good luck to you and ty so much for watching and reading! – C

  14. Good video . I have a concern. The Mr Buddy heater doesn’t generate carbon monoxide and the CO detector won’t do anything to alert you of a problem It’s catalytic and does use oxygen and so do you. If it uses all the oxygen while you are sleeping … dirt nap city. A CO detector is still a good thing, but it doesn’t signal low oxygen.

    1. HARRY – Yes, I realized that after hundreds of people commented after the video went live. I have since put more security in place. Thank you very much for your concern and advice !- Carolyn

  15. I came here from your Youtube channel. Is there a way to have “Next” and “Previous” buttons or links on your blog. I would love to read it in order but at the bottom of your first post “Leaving it all behind…” there is no where to link to the next post and the next part of the story.

    1. CJ- Ok, the best I could do is change my main blog page to show all my blog posts in order from most recent.. you can scroll down to the bottom to start reading from the beginning. I never thought of this as a chronological story, so didn’t think of that when choosing my theme (unlike my aloneonthejmt.com blog). I hope that helps.. it’s a little clunky and I will keep researching to see if I can find a better way.

      thank you for your interest!! – Carolyn

  16. I’m actually looking forward to being able to go full time in my 31′ Fleetwood Jamboree C and be out with other musicians able to make music way into the evening. And have fun at it. Music on some; and the splendor of evening silence the others. It’s a whopper of a combination.

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