Tag: holidays

desert sunset joshua tree nevada sunset

Black Friday Hell: Take Me Back to Nature

The longer I live on the road, the more awake and aware I seem to become. Cities are like sensory overload tunnels bombarding me with noise; cars, leaf blowers, buses, sirens, music piped into everywhere.

Homes are like virtual reality hell chambers; loud TV bombarding me with a false realty and selling us everything under the sun to make empty baseless lives feel worthwhile.

It’s Black Friday. I sit back quietly and observe. People buzz about like robots stuck in ‘must buy’ mode.

It’s not that they need anything: they have shelter, heat and plenty to eat.  But the ads and corporate America tell them they must not be content until they have MORE. BIGGER.  BETTER.  So, they obediently get in line, forgoing family, friends, relaxation and heaven forbid – a moment of gratitude for what they have – to stand in the cold, in long lines to get their fix of MORE. BIGGER. BETTER.

Take me back to the woods.

sunset nevada desert joshua trees
Sunset in the Desert with Joshua Trees

Take me back to quiet. Solitude. Peace.

Take me back to where things make sense.  Where all that bombards me are the forces of nature; wind, cold, the cry of an eagle as she soars through the sky, majestic views and sunsets so beautiful and peaceful that tears well in my hungry eyes.

Our world is empty; void. We don’t even see how far we’ve fallen and how far we’ve detached from ourselves. Numb with boredom and discontent, the only real emotions we can muster are rage, anger, hate and jealousy.  Hate thy neighbor.

Hate thyself.

It seems that the further we get from Nature the further we get from ourselves.  I feel trapped. I  need to go.

Take me back to Nature...

Check out the video this journal entry inspired: “Society Kills the BoonDocker’s Spirit”.

RV Life Thanksgiving scene

Gratitude: RV Living Style!

Tis the season to take stock of our lives and count the many things we have to be grateful for. It seems to be a practice that melts into our collective psyche, because without consciously thinking about it, a powerful and soothing feeling of gratitude has permeated my very soul this week.

I’m more contented and at peace  than I can ever remember being.

Maybe that’s because I’m coming out of the some of the most challenging weeks of my RV Life and being back in my RV, free to wander wherever the road – and my mood takes me – is like finally being free of a nagging headache.

Maybe it’s because. seven months into RV Living, I’m finally starting to grasp my freedom: it doesn’t happen overnight.  My therapist, Leslee, likened it to the slaves being set free; if you’re born in shackles and then suddenly set free, your freedom can be overwhelming and you can become paralyzed by the magnitude of your emancipation.

While I am, in no way,  comparing my life in society to the horrors of slavery, there is some truth in that statement.  In a world that indoctrinates and propagandizes us from birth, Freedom is something we must learn.  When you spend your entire life thinking of yourself, your life and your world a certain way – breaking the physical shackles is just the beginning; freeing your mind is a longer process.

Happy Thanksgiving from Carolyn and Capone!
Happy Thanksgiving from Carolyn and Capone!

Finding my freedom has been a lifelong process. First I had to stop denying the American Horror Story I was born into (I wrote a little bit about it in my John Muir Trail Blog, you can read it here). Then I had to get free of the addiction and alcoholism that were, for years, my crutches. Then I had to face my deepest horrors and stop trying to run from my ugly truths – and myself.  And then, finally, I could begin to heal; and through the healing, came freedom.

My process has been about finding my authentic self; a self that I spent a lifetime running from because to deny my painful past, I had to deny her. Now at last, I have become the woman I am meant to be! I am becoming the woman, who as a child I wanted to be. I’m writing. I’m exploring. I’m traveling. I’m living my life on my terms, with no regrets and no apologies.

Today I am thankful for my process. I am thankful for having the courage and the strength to fight back against my ghosts and persevere even in my lowest and most painful moments. I am grateful that I found an amazing therapist who helped me uncover my true self.bowie-quote

I am grateful for the community I found online who opened a whole new (RV Life) world to me. I’m grateful for the friends I’ve made here – some I’ve met – and some I have yet to meet.   I’m grateful for the best friend a woman can have: Capone. I’m grateful for Tilly. Sure, she can be high maintenance, but at the end of the day, when I’m tucked inside, there is no place I’d rather be!

And of course, I’m grateful for you and for all your kind words and encouragement! Thank you for following, reading, watching and subscribing. I hope to meet you out on the open road someday.

Happy Thanksgiving from My RV to Yours!~